we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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