She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
