Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
