Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
