Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
