If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He better not be in your backpack
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
