This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
