Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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