Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
