My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
