Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's never too late to be topless.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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