hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your penis caused this!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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