she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
