We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
