He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
