I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
