Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
