There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
