I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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