The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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