I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
