so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
