She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
