Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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