Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
