i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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