i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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