Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
