I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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