If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
