my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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