smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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