she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
