just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you win again, gameday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
