its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
FUCK WHALES
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
