the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
