i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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