Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
