I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
