I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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