So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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