I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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