neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
