Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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