he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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