To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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