i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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