FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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