Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
