I just saw a hot homeless man
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
