..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
