Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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