He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
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She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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