Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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