I will die if light touches me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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