you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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