____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
