9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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