i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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