I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
God, I missed his penis.
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