I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
