he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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