don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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