He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
