You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
