Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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