He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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