Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
