you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
